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Understanding Adoption

In late October I wrote an article titled Adoption Dreams, in it I discuss a 2008 law in Nebraska that caused the system in that state to be flooded with children whose parental rights were being terminated. I wrote how with our fertility struggles at the time it was hard to wrap my head around how parents could do this.

It isn’t that I don’t know the many reasons why women/families put their children up for adoption. That part is easy to understand. We all want something better for our children. For some people who have limited resources and no support that option can be putting their child/children up for adoption. The reasons don’t stop there but I know from research that is a big reason.

What is sometimes hard for me to understand is how one can move forward from putting their child up for adoption. For me I would feel like the world was ending. As a teenager I once told a friend who thought she was pregnant (and was considering abortion because she was afraid to upset her boyfriend) that boyfriends come and go but our ability to have children is never certain. I was taking my own emotions of fertility and uncertainty and applying it to my friend’s situation, which wasn’t very fair of me.

As an adult I am in a much better place to understand the why but the how is still baffling at times. Truthfully, even though I am human and therefore part of my nature is to pick at what I don’t understand, I don’t need to understand this. There are people who have children but need to put them up for adoption, and there are people who can not physically have children but would do anything to adopt.

Still part of me wants to hear the firsthand accounts of people who have put their children up for adoption. I am blessed to know one of those people and she thinks of her baby every day. While her story is not mine to share there is one from America Adopts that I can share. It is a story of a young woman, Ashlee Amraen, who was faced with a difficult decision. Her story is titled To The People Who Say “I could Never Give My Kid Up For Adoption” (click on the hyperlink for the article). In it she not only talks about her difficult decision but life after that decision and how difficulty becoming a mother has been for her because of how others have treated her (as if she has no right to ever be a mother). What I find truly inspiring are the words: “Every birthmother out there needs to know that she is an amazing courageous woman. She should not feel badly or be judged for doing what’s best for her child.”

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